Dulce et Decorum Est
by EllieF
Summary: Alter is a verb as well. A, B, and L at Wammy's House.
1. Skyward

I thought this was going to be about how messed-up B was, but this part turned out to be mostly about A. I haven't read the BB novel, only a summary, so I don't know if A's alias is right, or if we even know it.

**Chapter 1: Skyward**

They called me Alter. Short for alternate; the spare; constituting an alternative. From the Latin _alternatus._ From the start, they sought to make me into someone else, someone who could match him. Alter is a verb as well.

_He_ called me Al, and would not call that other one anything but B. I liked the way our names went together. El Al: in Hebrew, it means _skyward_.

When I came to the orphanage for the first time, Mr. Wammy asked me if I wanted to be a detective. He said the tests I had taken at my special class showed I had an aptitude for it. I didn't want to go back home to my mum, because she hadn't even told me why she'd brought me to this place. And anyway, I thought it might be a good job. I could take facts and people's words and make everything fit together. I told Mr. Wammy I would like it. I told him I liked words, and that I could always tell when people were lying.

When I said that, Mr. Wammy made the sort of face teachers make when you get the right answer. He said I would be training to help someone called L, who was the greatest detective Mr. Wammy had ever known.

So it was decided that I would live in the orphanage and learn all kinds of things to help L, and I got a new name.

* * *

My room was on the top floor. I liked it, because I could see the trees, and my windows would open so I could hear them too. They whispered when the wind blew, and it was a friendly sort of sound. It sounded green and alive.

I didn't know what to expect when Mr. Wammy came to take me to meet L, although, subconsciously, I guess I thought he would be another grownup.

Mr. Wammy took me to a room on the first floor, where there were computers, toys, and a table with food on it, where another boy sat, eating a piece of yellow cake with brown frosting.

"Alter," Mr. Wammy said, "this is L."

"It's nice to meet you," I said, remembering my manners.

"Would you like some cake?" said the boy called L.

L was a funny name, but I had already decided not to say anything about it. Maybe my name was funny too, and that was why I'd got a new one.

He was sitting with his feet on the chair, and Mr. Wammy had not scolded him. I started to think that this was a place where they at least tried to understand the kids other people thought were weird. "Yes, thank you," I said, and took a plate with a slice of cake on it.

"I'll let you two get acquainted," Mr. Wammy said, and he left.

I looked at L while I ate my cake. He had white skin, but there were black rings around his eyes. His hair was black, too, and messy, and it made me think of crow's wings. I wanted to touch it, to see if it felt as spiky as it looked, but I didn't like being touched, and I thought maybe L wouldn't like it either.

He set his empty plate to one side and looked at me in a way that was mostly blank. A waiting sort of look.

"Did your parents send you here?" I said.

"No. I don't remember my parents. I lived in another institution before, but it wasn't as nice as this one. They made me eat _vegetables_."

"My mother wanted to get rid of me. I'm too weird."

"Don't say that," L said. "She probably just didn't understand you."

I wasn't so sure about that. I thought maybe she hadn't liked me. But I was thinking, too, about how L had ended up here. "You were the first one they found," I said.

He nodded. His face looked like people's do when they're sad, even though I didn't think he was.

"How did they find you?" I asked.

L stuck one of his thumbs in his mouth. "I solved the Hayes case," he said around it. "No one believed I had done it alone, until I explained it to the police. One of them knew Mr. Wammy, and told him about me."

"How did you do it?"

He took his thumb out of his mouth, looked at it, and put that hand on his knee. "It's what I do. I read about the case in the newspaper, in lots of newspapers, actually, because it was interesting. And it was obvious."

"I have to learn that."

"You can do it. You're very smart. But you don't need _me_ to tell you that."

I knew all about languages, but I was bad at maths. Words had colours and feelings, but numbers were flat and cold, and resisted my trying to make them do anything. "I'm very smart in some ways, but I'm quite stupid in others," I said.

L laughed. I knew he was laughing because he thought what I'd said was funny, not because he thought I was. "How did they find _you_?" he said.

"I used to go to a special class. My teacher from there came over one night and talked to my mum for a long time." I hadn't been supposed to listen, but I had hidden at the top of the stairs, and heard them say a lot about how I needed a better environment. "The next day, she brought me here and left me."

L sighed. "That wasn't very nice of her. But I'm glad you're here. It's good for us to know people our own age."

He smiled at me, and I felt brave enough to ask the question I had been wondering about. "How old are you?"

"Eight."

"So am I," I said. "L," I said then, trying it out. It didn't seem like a funny name any more. It was nice, and seemed blue, like the L in _calm_. "I don't like very many people, but I think I'm going to like you."


	2. L

Thanks to everyone who read Chapter 1 and commented! Feedback is my best friend.

**Chapter 2: L**

I was going to have lessons, but Mr. Wammy told me they were waiting for some other children to arrive, so that we could all start together. He said the director, Mr. Roger, had gone to get them.

I ate dinner with Mr. Wammy. He asked me some more questions about what sorts of subjects I was interested in, and after dinner he showed me the library and gave me a book to read about Chinese calligraphy.

I went to bed early and woke up early too. I didn't want to bother anyone, so I walked around the House. The top two floors were all bedrooms. One of the doors had a sign with a fancy L on it, but it was closed, so I kept walking. I thought I would make a sign for my door if I could find some paints. A big A would have room for lots of colours.

I found the library again, and some classrooms, and finally a studio. I hadn't seen anyone else at all. I was used to being left alone. I just hoped no one would mind my using the paints.

I took a lot of them and started on my sign. I made the A fancy like an illuminated letter, like L's sign was.

A tall lady with black and grey hair came into the art room as I was finishing.

"Hello. You must be Alter," she said.

"Yes, ma'am."

"I'm Miss Parker. I'll be your teacher once classes start. They're serving lunch now, so I came to see if you wanted to come along and eat something."

"I do, thank you," I said. I had missed breakfast, and then I had been so occupied with my painting that I hadn't realized I was growing hungry.

I put my sign up to dry and followed Miss Parker to the dining room. L was already there, and he was eating another piece of cake. He waved at me when I came in, and I waved back.

There were serving areas with a lot of different foods. I took two cheese sandwiches and went over to where L was sitting. A man who was wearing green overalls nodded as I went past his table, and I said hello to him. I wondered how many people worked here. I imagined that they had just been waiting around before L came to live here, like fairy-tale people under an enchantment. I knew that wasn't true, but it was a funny thought.

I sat down across from L. There were strawberries on his plate too. "Do you only like sweet things?" I asked. It was an obvious deduction, but I thought I should practise.

"Sugar's the best fuel when you use your brain all the time," L said. "Coffee is good too, but they only let me have one cup a day. I tried to explain that it's a myth that it stunts growth, but Mr. Roger said it was still bad for me."

I had never been allowed to have caffeine at all. My mum had said I was too high-strung already. "You don't sleep very much, do you?"

"No. I can only sleep for about an hour at a time. I don't need much, though."

I wondered if they were going to expect me to stay awake all the time.

I finished the first sandwich and picked up the second. Maybe later I would see if L was right about the sugar.

L skewered a strawberry with his fork and popped the whole thing in his mouth.

"Do you have a case to work on?" I asked.

"Not at the moment. People have been trying to hire me, but none of those jobs are interesting. I only want to take cases no one else can solve."

"Because that's how you'll do the most good?"

"Exactly." He ate the last strawberry. "Al, would you like to come outside and see the grounds?"

"They named me Alter."

"I know," L said. "I don't think much of that."

I didn't care, but I felt happy that he did.

We went outside and walked along a path that led towards the trees. L's untied shoelaces dragged along the ground, and he slouched when he walked, just like he did when he was sitting down.

The leaves were starting to turn colours. I picked up a red one, an orange one, and a yellow one. There were brown ones, too, but they were dead.

"Do you know Conkers?" I asked.

"I know _about_ it," L said. "But I've never played."

"Maybe we'll find some good chestnuts." Now I was sure L wasn't English. It didn't matter where he was from, but I wanted to practise finding clues too.

The path wound out of the forest, and we were at athletic fields.

"There's a swimming pool over there," L said, pointing towards a red brick building on the other side of the grass. "And tennis courts."

"More kids used to live here," I said.

"Yes. After World War II, there were a lot of children here. Once they were grown, I think Mr. Wammy wanted to do other things. He's an inventor too."

"That's cool," I said. "There's a lot we don't know about him."

"Definitely," L said. "We all have secrets here." He tilted his head back and looked at the clouds, wearing that same sad-but-not-sad expression as before. After a moment he turned to me. "Hey, do you want to play tennis? I'm getting out of practice."

"I don't know how." I thought about velocity and angles and trajectories. "It's physics."

"Everyone has an instinctive understanding of motion," L said. "I'll show you."

We hit balls back and forth for a while. L was right. It wasn't that hard. My brain took care of the calculations for me, somewhere down low where it understood them.

When we went back to the House, there was a long black car in the driveway.

"Mr. Roger's back," L said. "He'll want to introduce you to the others. Go on; I'll catch up later."

The new kids were a boy and a girl. Mr. Roger told me they were called Backup and Cat. Cat smiled and said hi, but Backup only looked at me. I couldn't tell what he was feeling at all.


	3. A B C

**Chapter 3: A B C**

Mr. Roger took us to the room where I had met L, which I'd found out was a common room. There were snacks out again, and someone had brought in more toys since the last time.

"Classes will start the day after tomorrow," Mr. Roger said. "You'll study the usual subjects for your age, and you'll be able to choose from some advanced classes as well. We'd like you to enjoy your studies, but you should know that we expect you to excel. I'll talk to each of you separately to decide which classes you want to take. You may have the rest of today free. Dinner's at six. Any questions?"

Cat shook her head. Her brown eyes looked very big.

"When will we meet L?" Backup asked.

"I'll find you and Cat tomorrow and take you to meet him."

Mr. Roger left, and I decided to stay and find out more about what Backup and Cat were like.

Cat went over to the big windows, and stared out at the trees. I started to go talk to her, but Backup came and stood in front of me.

"Hey," he said. He had black hair, like L, but his was much tidier. His face was still blank. I wasn't sure if he had taught himself how to make it like that, or if he just didn't feel anything. "Have _you_ met L?"

"Yes."

"What's he like? Is he very smart? How old is he? What's he look like? Do—"

"Stop for a second," I said. It was weird to hear so many questions from someone whose face didn't show me anything at all. I tried to remember them all. "He's our age, and very smart. He has black hair and grey eyes with black circles around them. He likes to eat cake. He's nice."

"He's _our_ age?"

I nodded.

"Hm." He made his eyes narrower at me, and turned and went over to the toys.

Cat turned away from the window and raised her eyebrows at me. The sunlight was very bright in here this time of day, and her hair looked glowy and gingery.

"Hi, Cat," I said.

"Hey, Alter."

"L calls me Al," I said quietly. It seemed like a secret.

"They tried to give me another name," Cat said, "but it was stupid."

I felt surprised that she had disagreed with Mr. Roger about anything. I had been too excited and nervous to mind anything very much. "That was brave of you," I said.

"Not really," she said. "I just wanted to pick for myself." She looked around the room. "It's pretty fancy here."

"Don't worry. They don't expect us to be."

"That's a relief. I wouldn't know how. I've lived six different places already, and none of them were any good. At least some of the people were amusing in their stupidity."

I didn't know if I could find stupidity funny, but I didn't say that. Cat told me a little about the places she'd lived, and I told her about my mum, and about how I came to the House.

"Oh, Al," she said, and patted my shoulder.

I took a few steps away from her. "I don't like it when people touch me."

"Oh. OK." She looked at me, then down at her hands, at her interlaced fingers. "Is it because your mom hit you?"

"She didn't hit me. I just don't like it." I thought Cat wouldn't have asked that unless someone had hit her, but I knew it was one of the things most people didn't like to talk about.

* * *

Classes started, and we studied maths, grammar, history, and science. I had picked languages and forensics from the advanced classes Mr. Roger told me about, and I was learning Japanese. It was hard, because I mostly only knew Romance languages. Forensics was easier for me, and being good at it made me mind less that I was second in the class.

L didn't do lessons. He was working on a new case instead. Sometimes I looked out the classroom windows and saw him walking around outside, or sitting under the big tree with his papers.

Weeks passed, and I learnt a lot. I liked Cat, but Backup's blank face still made me feel strange when I talked to him. He was tops in our classes, but it didn't seem to make him happy.

L was very busy, but sometimes he came to visit me.

"I don't think I like Backup," I said, one afternoon when he stopped by my room.

He thought for a moment. "I'm not saying you had it easy," he said, "but B and C had it a lot worse."

I'd already guessed that about Cat, but Backup acted so superior that I hadn't thought about it. "Maybe I should've taken psychology."

"I've read their files," L said.

"Did you—" I began, but stopped. "You won't tell me anything, will you? Not about any of our files?"

He smiled, and shook his head. "I call him B for a reason, you know."

"The same reason you call me Al." I felt bad then, and decided I would try to be nicer.

* * *

It had been a little while since I had seen L, so one day I went to his room.

He wasn't working. He was just sitting at his desk with his thumb in his mouth.

"How are you?" I said.

"I'm doing well, now."

"Did you solve the case?"

"Yes. We got him." L clicked some keys on the computer to shut it down, then looked around the room. There were stacks of paper everywhere, and plates with crumbs on them, and pillows on the floor. "Wow, what a mess," L said. "Al, what day is today? I think I lost track."

"It's Halloween," I said.

"Oh. It's my birthday today."

"Happy birthday," I said.

"Thanks." He pushed his hair out of his face. It was even messier than usual. "Sorry, Al. I have to decompress after hard cases, and I get a little scatterbrained."

L being scatterbrained at all was a very funny idea, so I laughed. "We could go outside."

Cat was also through with her classes for the day, and when we saw her in the common room as we went by, L invited her to come along.

It was cold outside, and the sky was full of grey clouds.

"Maybe it'll snow!" Cat said.

She gave me her mittens when she saw that I didn't have any. One was green, and one was yellow.

L told us about the case he had just finished. "Motive is the key," he said. "Once you understand _why_ a crime happened, it almost always leads you to the guilty party."

When we went back in for dinner, there was a big banner up for L's birthday, and a white cake with lots of yellow flowers.

I took some shepherd's pie, and so did Cat and B. L didn't have any. I saw that B only ate a little before pushing his plate away.

Then it was time for cake.

"It's my birthday too," B said when we went over to the table.

"It is _not_," Cat told him. "Your birthday's not for another four months."

B stared at her for a second. Then he shoved her out of the way. He pushed L down and hit him.

Miss Parker yelled, and Mr. Roger hurried over. I was too surprised to move, but Cat wasn't. She grabbed B's hair and pulled very hard. "Get _off_ him!"

B kicked at Cat, but missed. "That's enough," Mr. Roger said. "Backup, come with me."

I realized I could move again, and went over to L, Cat, and Miss Parker. "Are you hurt?"

"No," L said. He put his tongue out and touched a place on his lip that was bleeding. "Not badly, anyway."

"You need to take self-defence with me," Cat said.

L licked the cut on his lip again. "Yes. Apparently I do."


	4. Goodbye

**Chapter 4: Goodbye**

Even though L said again that he wasn't hurt, Cat made him come to the common room with us. He sat down on the couch and let Cat dab at his mouth with her handkerchief. Her face had gone red in splotches like some people's do when they're trying not to cry, but L looked as white as ever. When Cat was done, he began chewing on his thumb. I watched them and tried to think of something useful to say or do.

"Why aren't you mad?" I asked L.

He looked up at the lights and sighed. "I don't think B ever learned appropriate ways to express his feelings. It's not his fault."

"He doesn't have to be such a jerk," Cat said.

"He's jealous," L said.

"Of you?" I said.

"Of everybody," Cat said quietly. "I understand, L."

I thought about how bad B had to feel inside to think that hurting L would make it better, and I remembered that I had decided to try to make friends with him, and felt sorry that I hadn't done anything about it. "I do, too."

* * *

Classes kept us very busy, and L had another case to work on. I didn't have much time for anything but algebra, but I was afraid my other subjects would suffer. But B was very good at maths.

He preferred the library to the common room, and that was where I found him.

He hadn't chosen any of the same subjects as I had, and he was doing his criminal psychology homework.

"Hi, B," I said, and he looked up at me with his blank face, and didn't answer. "Would you help me with my maths?"

He blinked at me. I thought that was his version of an expression, but I didn't know what it meant. "OK," he finally said.

I showed him the problems in my notebook. "I don't understand how this works."

B sighed. "Let me see it." He looked at the page and shook his head. "There's a better way." He scribbled in the margin. It looked like he was making up and solving a much harder problem. "This is easier."

He explained it to me. I could tell he got a little impatient when he had to go through it twice, because he rolled his eyes, but mostly he was very nice. I thought I would be able to do it on my own.

"Thank you very much," I said.

B nodded and picked up his book again.

* * *

I thought trying to be friends must be working, because B began to treat us all very politely. He came outside with us more often, and one day even asked L to play tennis. L had already solved the case he had started after the winter holidays, and he had some free time too. Cat didn't come out to play very much anymore, though. She had been studying really hard.

I sat by the court and watched L and B play. When I played tennis with L, we didn't keep score, but they did. B ran after everything, and he usually caught up to the ball. I saw that he was good at tennis the way he was good at lessons. He chased everything and took wild swings that most of the time connected.

L played just like he did with me, as if they weren't keeping score at all. He still won. B hit the ball harder and ran faster every set.

L won the match, and B threw his racquet down and walked off back towards the house. L looked at me and shrugged.

B didn't have any in-between. He was either really nice to us or in a rage.

"He shouldn't play angry," I said.

"You're right. That's why he lost."

* * *

We had exams in the spring, and I barely saw Cat at all for several weeks, but I hardly left my own room except to walk to the library to study more, or to go to the dining hall and eat quickly.

B came first in the exam results. I was next, then Cat. We wouldn't have classes during the summer, but Miss Parker told us we ought to choose special projects to work on.

"What do you think you'll do for your project?" I asked Cat after lunch on the first day of summer hols.

"Nothing," she said. She looked angry and stubborn, and I didn't understand.

"But…"

"I'm leaving later today. I hate it here."

"You do?"

"Oh, Al, that doesn't mean I hate _you_. It's just… too much work. They'll let us go, you know. They'll send us to, you know, a regular orphanage."

I hadn't known that, but I didn't want to leave anyway.

"I want to be normal," Cat said. "Sorry."

"What are you sorry for?"

She smiled in a way that looked more sad than happy, the way L sometimes did. "I'm not like the three of you. You guys are going to do great things, but you'll have to do without things I don't want to give up. I… I want it to be _easy_. It's already been hard enough."

"I think I understand," I said.

"I knew you would." We reached her room, and she stopped with her hand on the doorknob.

"Cat, I'll miss you. I don't mind if you hug me goodbye."

She did, just for a second. It wasn't too bad when I expected someone to touch me. It was being surprised by it that I hated. "I'll miss you, too. Try and look out for L, OK?"

"OK."


End file.
